A job for Superman!

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The pedestrian bridge over the Henry Hudson Parkway at 235th Street is in bad shape.  So, let’s knock it down.

The bridge looks like abandoned architecture from the old Soviet Union.  

On any recent day on the bridge, I’ve seen pieces of broken wine bottles strewn across the steps. Old newspapers lay in one of the corners, keeping company with dead leaves, discarded Arizona Ice Tea and Monster cans, as well as beer cans and plastic water bottles and half-empty coffee-cups (or are they half-full?). 

One of the steps on the west side of the bridge was in a crumbled state for months.  The concrete had been chipped away and the step was a jagged slope until March 25th, when it was filled in with a quick asphalt patch. Let’s hope it lasts.

On top of that, some artistic soul has sprayed graffiti on the bridge, near the eastern side, with the enlightening message that screams in purple, “F—k Goose.” I would have preferred the words “Duck Goose,” which might help the elementary school children learn to read, but I’m a parent and I have odd thoughts about education.  

If we knock it down, we won’t have to worry about the Goose hater, the litter and the minor bits of destruction left by our drinking friends.  

Here are my suggestions for replacing the bridge with a viable option for pedestrians crossing the parkway:

• Construct two giant plastic slides on both sides of the parkway. Kids of all ages will have great fun and get much needed exercise climbing the steps of the slides, then speeding down the slope to the other side. In summertime, we can spray water on the slides, so the plastic doesn’t get too hot and people don’t burn their thighs.

• Deploy a giant cannon to shoot people through the air over the road. We’ll provide two handy air mattresses the size of swimming pools to break their fall.

• Ferry people from one side to the other by helicopter.

Henry Hudson Parkway, overpass, slides, cannon, Mike Gold
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