Driven to insanity on Bronx roads

The world’s first open-air insane asylum is now available for viewing in the Bronx.

It runs on Zerega Avenue, Westchester Avenue and other streets in Castle Hill. It goes east on Williamsbridge Road to Pelham Parkway Road to Pelham Parkway, then onward to Mosholu Parkway, and even includes parts of Riverdale’s very own Henry Hudson Parkway, Johnson Avenue, 235th Street and so on. This is my daily commute.

To experience its full glory, you can drive into the crush of cars anywhere from 3 to 6 p.m. during the week.

Then watch as people in SUVs and cars pound on their horns because you are not driving over the speed limit or you don’t want to mow down the pedestrian wandering into the middle of the road because, just like a chicken, they want to get to the other side, even if cars are flying by all around them. (Yes, I should have hit that pedestrian with my Honda Civic so I could get out of your way and you can go faster, Mr. SUV man).

Depraved indifference to human life must be part of the definition of insanity, yes? The free-floating anger may touch anyone at anytime, and you may not even know the reason.

Recently, a green cab driver shot the middle finger out his window at me, for what I do not know. A woman driving a big brown truck shouted at me, because (and I’m just speculating here) she thought I wasn’t going fast enough.

I couldn’t hear her because her window was closed, but I could see the spasms of rage through her cheeks and gums. She had very white teeth. I admired her dental work as she cursed me out.

While all this was going on, other drivers were plotting their moves: Can they cut you off? Can they run up your rear end without you noticing?

Bus drivers are another important element in the mix. They’re controlling a machine that’s bigger than an elephant, so they figure, “Hey, I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, such as possibly cutting your little car in two pieces or mangling your front end, because — don’t you know this? — I run on a very tight schedule!”