My eyes flow with tears

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My father, who lives in Jerusalem, is 95 years old. I had never seen or heard him cry uncontrollably until last week.

Speaking just moments after the news was released — that the three kidnapped Israeli boys, Gilad Sha’ar, Eyal Yifrach and Naftali Fraenkel, were dead — he sobbed. Over and over, he cried out, “They killed the boys, they killed the boys.”

There are no words that can properly reflect what we are all feeling. But as we move forward, I offer some reflections dealing with the challenge of what we can do now. They are humble suggestions, as I am the first to acknowledge that I do not have any real answers.

1. Continue to remember the families: The Yifrach, Sha’ar and Fraenkel families have comported themselves with great nobility. During these days, they have been surrounded by thousands of people expressing their sympathies. But the hardest part of shiva (mourning) is when shiva ends. It’s therefore important that we continue to be with the families. And so, as a small gesture, there will be three large cards in the lobby of our shul (The Bayit) addressed to each of the families. I encourage families, including children, to come in and write words on them that come from the heart. My wife, Toby, and I will personally deliver the cards when we visit Israel in a few weeks. I urge every synagogue and Jewish institution to consider doing the same.

2. Remember the role of the Israel Defense Forces (IDF): In the search for the boys, thousands of soldiers put their lives on the line. At this challenging time, each of us can make a difference by doing something for the IDF. We can contribute to Friends of the IDF, recite tefillot (prayers) for them daily and commit to calling a solider that we know, a relative, a friend or especially a chayal boded — a soldier who serves even as their family lives abroad. Special honor should be given to young men and women from America and around the world who have committed themselves to serve in the IDF or in Sheirut Leumi (Israel’s National Service).   

3. Maintain a sense of Ahdut Yisrael (Unity of Israel): During these past weeks, we felt especially close to each other. Across the political and religious spectrum, we lived and breathed as one people. The families of the slain boys led the way. Yair Lapid, a member of the Israeli cabinet who is more to the left, was invited to speak at Gilad’s funeral. Rabbis responded respectfully to Racheli Fraenkel as she joined the fathers in reciting kaddish prayers. This sense of crossing lines for the sake of unity must continue.

4. Categorically reject revenge attacks: With a loud and strong voice, we must say no to individuals who take the law into their own hands, killing innocents. Racheli Fraenkel said it best. As soon as she heard that Muhammad Abu Khdeir was kidnapped and his body burned in a Jerusalem forest, she said, “If the young Arab really was murdered for nationalistic reasons, this is a horrifying and shocking act.” 

In this spirit, I believe we must be careful of our understanding of the word nekamah, often translated as revenge. Kel nekamot Hashem in Psalm 94:1 does not mean that the Lord is a God of revenge. Rather, it means the Lord is a God of retribution. Revenge is an emotional lashing out and engaging in collective punishment. Retribution is rational. It is justice based upon a rational system of reward and punishment. 

5. The Place of Anger: We cannot control what we feel, but we can control our actions, and we should not act based on anger. I am angry. I am very angry.  But we reach the highest levels when our emotions can take a back seat to our actions. It’s my prayer and my belief that the government of Israel and the army of Israel in the aftermath of the killings will react calmly and deliberately.   

6. Bring Back Our Boys is part of a larger issue: Even as our boys are laid to rest, we should continue to be in the forefront of the universal struggle to #bringbackourgirls — the Nigerian students kidnapped in April. We will continue to be in touch with the NGOs working to #bringbackourgirls.

7. Respond to hatred with love: The Midrash says that we must do all we can to counteract hatred which defies the rule with acts of love that defy the rule. Here too, we can all make a difference. Each of us can think of one act, one kindness that we can do for another that perhaps can tip the balance of the world.  

So many prayers were offered for the boys. Were our prayers in vain? It was Rabbi Soloveitchik who wrote, “The basic function of prayer is not its practical consequences but the metaphysical formation of a fellowship consisting of God and man.”

I would add that prayer is also the formation of fellowship and sistership between our people and all peoples. Our prayers these past days have not been in vain, as they brought us closer to God, closer to our fellow person, closer to our boys, Gilad, Eyal and Naftali.

Rabbi Avi Weiss, the senior rabbi at the Hebrew Institute of Riverdale (HIR), delivered these remarks on Shabbat morning on July 5. HIR has since added a fourth card the rabbi plans to deliver to the family of Muhammad Abu Khdeir. Point of view is a column open to all.

Rabbi Avi Weiss, Gilad Sha’ar, Eyal Yifrach, Naftali Fraenkel, Muhammad Abu Khdeir, Israel, Palestinians, justice, Hebrew Institue of Riverdale, Bayit

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