Love advice from those who've loved longest

Shirley Johnson was married to her late husband William Jackson for 54 years.

Gary Jean-Juste

A group of RiverSpring residents are bestowing decades of relationship wisdom this Valentine’s season through the recently formed Cupid Senior Squad.

The program launched this month, spearheaded by Wendy Steinberg, chief communications officer, and moderated by Maria Schulz, vice president of admissions and resident experience. After Steinberg announced the squad, questions started flooding in.

“Many of them have outlived their partners,” Schulz said. “[Cupid Senior Squad] gives them an opportunity to reminisce … It makes us feel connected to the past and to loved ones that we don’t get to see any longer.”

One email submission read, “What’s the best piece of relationship advice you’ve ever heard?” Shirley Johnson, 85, Lita Gottesman, 88 and Harold Wolkoff, 102, agreed on one thing — be yourself.

Johnson met her husband of 54 years while she was in her 20s. Coming out of a previous marriage with two young daughters, she was introduced to William Jackson through family.

“This man comes in my life, and he looked at me, and he said, ‘You’re what I’ve been looking for,’” Johnson recalled.

As they aged, Johnson developed gangrene in her left leg, forcing her to amputate and move to RiverSpring for recovery. Jackson, who faced heart and lung problems, later joined her at the home for about a year and a half before he passed away.

Johnson described him as a devoted father and a good man, adding she had “a ring for every finger and two fur coats in the closet.” One of the most important habits they shared throughout precious years together was simply being their genuine selves.

“You both look at each other and what you see is what you talk about — nothing outside,” Johnson said. “Just be yourself. Be real.”

For Lita Gottesman, who was married to her husband, David, for 37 years before he passed, her relationship was also rooted in authenticity.

“I met him at a sorority party,” she recalled. “He came over to me and said ‘Hi, my name is David,’ and I said, ‘Who the hell cares?’”

Eight months later she proposed to him. Today, she still keeps his slippers by her bed, and wears his batted bathrobe from time to time. Gottesman never stops thinking about her husband, and never wants to, she said.
“[William] Shakespeare was right when he said ‘To thine own self be true,’” she said. “And then you formulate opinions based on something real, not something make-believe.”

Harold Wolkoff also supported the idea of being yourself, but with one caveat. At over a century old and with three marriages under his belt, Wolkoff added it is important to be flexible, too.

“How do you know if he or she is the one?” another email user sent in. Wolkoff and Gottesman each had their own take.

For Wolkoff, looking for traits that lead to a sustainable partnership is the best approach — Does a person have a lot of friends? Do they have a healthy relationship with their family?

Gottseman thinks the feeling comes from within, no matter the length of the relationship. Long-term doesn’t always mean right, she said.

“People wish for things, they don’t look at them clearly and honestly,” she said. “They wish for a relationship, and some man is in their life, and they figure — this is it. But there’s no time table on love … it’s all internal.”

To know if a marriage will last, look at how he acts towards other people, Johnson said. Jackson cared deeply for Johnson’s daughters, but also for his own family.

“If a man treats his mother well, he will treat you well,” she said.
Another submission asked, “What’s the best piece of advice for someone who is currently happy being single, but is feeling pressure to find the one and get married?”

The verdict from the squad — every life follows its own individual path.

“Tell them to mind their own business,” Gottesman said, explaining she felt outside pressure to have children before her and her husband were ready. “The only thing that matters is what you think about yourself.”

To hear from Johnson, Gottesman and Wolkoff, as well as the two other members of the Cupid Squad, Rita Shliselberg, 95 and Flora Rosefsky, 84, email cupid@riverspring.org.