Choosing understanding over stigma this Disability Pride Month

We each fight our own battles every day. This is a truth acknowledged so widely, it’s become a cliche, something we impart on young children as they begin to explore the world. We’ve all heard some version of “Treat people with kindness, you never know what they’re going through.” But still, for people living with disabilities, there is often a stigma that is faced when those battles present barriers in daily life.

It has now been several decades since the Americans with Disabilities Act was signed into law. Now, each July, we commemorate that landmark legislation with Disability Pride Month, recognizing our community members and loved ones for whom living with a disability is a fact of life. The act recognizes a wide array of disabilities, from physiological differences to mental health struggles to chronic pain. Supporting those who live with such disabilities not only means continuing to uphold and strengthen the resources and protections that make life more manageable, but also going back to that grade-school adage — we never know what others are going through, but approaching them with empathy will never be the wrong response.

A disability of any kind should not have any impact on assessments of a person’s skills or competence. In addition, it is important to note that being disabled looks completely different from person to person. There is no “right” way to navigate a disability, just as disabilities might often look different than stereotyping might try to program us into thinking they are “supposed” to.

The best thing a person can do to support another person with a disability is to listen. Listen without judgement and without scrutiny. Because not only do disabilities vary from person to person — within one person, limitations or difficulties can vary from day to day, hour to hour. Someone who is too exhausted or in too much pain to get up one morning may be completely mobile the next, and vice versa. The bad moments are not proof of “laziness” or “sickliness” any more than the good moments are proof of perfect health. One cannot interpret or prescribe another’s experience of a particular disability or chronic illness, but what we can do is hear one another and lift one another up. When someone says they are too sick to do something, we must listen. When someone says they are perfectly capable, we must listen.

Because living with a disability is difficult enough without the judgement and expectations of others. For some, a disability means frequent appointments and treatments, hours spent on the phone haggling with insurance companies for life-saving or life-altering medications they are reluctant to cover. Sometimes it means years spent knowing something is wrong but being unable to find clear answers, let alone relief. For many, grappling with a newly diagnosed disability can create a mental paradox between what one thinks they should be able to accomplish, and what their body allows them to. The mental toll is just as real as the physical.

At the same time, while living with a disability may mean changing expectations of oneself and learning to advocate for oneself, it can also be a journey in discovering just how much a person is truly capable of. When we make assumptions about what a person can or cannot do based on their given situation, we, consciously or not, place certain limitations on them. Those often unintentional limitations can begin to shrink the world in which people with disabilities operate, pre-emptively casting them aside rather than allowing every person’s unique abilities to shine and develop equally.

Aside from practicing empathy and understanding in our daily lives, it is also important that we all keep a close watch on how our country as a whole, through its policies and priorities, treats those with disabilities. As history has shown us time and again, any rollback in civil rights protections for one group is a dangerous thing for everyone, whether they identify as a part of that group or not. Maintaining protections for Americans with disabilities is especially crucial, as most individuals, even those who have no history of disabilities, begin to face new limitations and health struggles as they age.

Disabilities exist on an ever-fluctuating spectrum. Instead of trying to place them, or the people managing them, into boxes, this Disability Pride Month is a chance to seek understanding and uplift those who deal with disabilities, visible or invisible, every day. Because protections such as the Americans with Disabilities Act, as important as they are, can only do so much without our daily efforts and support. As a community, we must commit ourselves to challenging our own implicit biases and choosing compassion for our neighbors over the stigmas we may have unwittingly absorbed.